Did you know Ovation comes from the Latin Ovis which means sheep?
Think about it. When you put two people in a ring somebody has to lose, right? Often times, that somebody will be you. Blame it on the other guy’s special sauce being more special than yours. Whatever. You didn’t get the gold.
It is okay to lose sometimes. I mean, look at Usain Bolt’s competition. If they can do it, so can you. Sooner or later, all creators have to be comfortable with doing a lot of ‘bad’ work. Produce, produce, produce. Fail massively like Pixar, and in so doing, find your masterpiece. You will not write one thing and win the Pulitzer prize or do one experiment and get a Nobel Prize.
Maybe what you are chasing is approval from others. You seek to confirm your position on the food chain. In a world where self-worth is held hostage by hierarchies and unfair power dynamics, it is hard not to play that game. Before you get hooked on that external validation, however, consider this:
Man’s desire for the approval of his fellows is so strong, his dread of their censure so violent, that he himself has brought his enemy (conscience) within his gates; and it keeps watch over him, vigilant always in the interests of its master to crush any half-formed desire to break away from the herd.
W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM, The Moon and Sixpence
The practice that brought you from being a zero-action, non-productive individual to the person you are today. That is where the gold resides.